It's pretty sad just how much I dread when Sunday comes. My weekends have become much too short, and my weeks have become much too droning. I'm not sure where I'm going right now. I like working at Oakley for the most part. I like the people I work with, I like the company, but I find myself thinking more about where it's all going. Am I going to move up in this company and work here forever? I had a completely different plan for myself a year ago. I don't regret anything and I'm not unhappy though. I suppose I'm still getting used to it.


I miss my family, the ones that matter most are halfway across the world. I miss my best friend.


I have the feeling like I'm looking for something, but I can't find it. I don't know what it is, though.


I guess I can chalk this all up to the weird and ever-increasing existential moments I've been having. Sometimes I'll have moments where I feel like I'm looking at my own life from outside and wondering if that is really me.


I have this wrinkle on the left side of my mouth that I can see growing deeper. It's contributed to my fear of getting old, and increased the thoughts I have on my own mortality.


I wonder where my dad is right now.

1. My nose ring fell out in the middle of the night last night and in the morning when I tried to put a new one in, it already closed! I've had it for over a year. I am sad and feel plain. It is nice not having to worry about washing my face carefully.. and being able to vigorously rub my face with a clean, fresh towel is pretty awesome I guess. Now it just looks like a huge pore though. :(

2. I have been really into Mexican pastries, and traditional style tacos with the corn tortillas filled with delicious, and sometimes dubious cuts of meat. I had some pork snout and beef tongue tacos yesterday from a place in Santa Ana that were friggen AMAZING. I love being a Californian.

3. I just found Henry's toenail on my night stand. I am horrified.

I've sucked at updating lately, and at the dad-memories. I'm on it, I swears. I guess I haven't really had very much happen lately, but some things...

1. Working at Oakley is going well. The seasonal position ends around the end of September, hopefully I'll have done well enough for them to keep me on full-time.

2. I didn't have enough patience to grow my hair out and got a new haircut. I caved and have scene hair. It is one of my favorite hair cuts ever though. It's a lot more layered than it looks, it's long in the front but pretty short in the back.

3. I turned 24 on the 14th of this month where I drank way waaayy too much vodka then I should have and puked on the street for the first time.

4. New tattoo, Henry's birthday present to me.



( More hair.. )

I've been feeling more confident and at ease with my body lately. I've had problems with body image issues for a long time and it's been a veritable roller coaster ride from high school to present day. I remember having both the energy and body-confidence in high school to dress kick-ass (or as kick-ass as my high school uniform code would allow), do elaborate makeup everyday, and wear tight-fitting, skimpy clothing that flaunted my nubile, jail-bait figure and naval piercing. I was 5'7 and 140 lb. I was cute and I was skinny.

When I entered college my weight stayed the same throughout freshman year, and I got even thinner towards sophomore year. I still dressed pretty much the same, but with less effort all-around. That style and body confidence slowly started to dwindle in junior year when I slowly gained about 20 pounds all the way throughout the end of college. I was a mess, and I didn't look or feel like myself. I wore baggy jeans, basketball shorts, t-shirts, flip flops, and baseball caps to hide my face all the time. It was the most unnattractive and pathetic I've ever felt in my life. When I would run into people I hadn't seen in awhile I could see the initial shock, then the confusion in their expressions asking "Dude, what the fuck happened?" I was crawling in my own skin. And the truth is I don't know what the fuck happened, or how I could let it happen. In reality it was a combination of growing out of my teenage body and gaining the womanly curves and bits of suck, not watching what and how much of what I was eating, and my boyfriend and I starting to fuck leading to me changing my birth control pills.

I realize this is all rather silly considering there are plenty of girls that are much heavier (some of whom I find rather attractive) than I am, and that I wasn't even "fat". I wish I had either owned it, or tried doing something to fix it besides wallowing.

Things got easier after I graduated college, I grew up a little more and I let go of the angst and pining (the psychotic, crazy pining) for my girlish, teenage figure. I donated the baggy jeans and pants, and I put away the t-shirts and basketball shorts. I also started to watch what I ate, but I wasn't exercising yet. My weight started to stabalize just from watching my diet and I didn't feel as low as I had in the previous couple of years.

Now, I can say I'm in an okay place. Not great but okay, because fuck, I still have a sick desire to be model-thin, hell to even be as thin as I was in high school/early college and to fit into a pair of my old jeans.. which is sadly something I think won't ever go away. I'm still not where I'd like to be physically, however I do feel the healthiest and strongest I've felt in a long time. I go to the gym, do yoga and pilates and eat a well and balanced diet for the most part. I figure if I keep going on this track my body will follow to some degree. One can always hope.

It seems that I have unintentionally become a perfume collector.

1. I am an only child. I love it.

2. I didn't know how to ride a bike until I was 21. It remains one of the most gleeful memories of my life.

3. I look a little bit down on people that order their steak well done. You're ruining it!

4. I have natural artistic ability in many mediums: pencil-drawing, painting, sculpture, photography, etc. but I'm not greatly awesome at any said things. I could be if I practiced.

5. I make the best cupcakes, ask my friends.

6. I'm a foodie to the core. I have about 80 food blogs on my blog roll alone.

7. I like to people watch and I like to see people I haven't seen in a long time to see how they've changed. This highly amuses me.

8. I'm slightly OCD about washing my hands.

9. I'm a pretty adventurous eater. Fermented raw fish, fish eyes, intestines, silkwork larve, alligator, tongues, sea urchin, etc.. the only things holding me back until recently were balut (duck fetus egg), and insects. But I've had both things in the past year. The thought of eating a testicle on a toast point doesn't phase me at all.

10. My family considers me as the "pioneer of the family" because I was the first to go to college, get a tattoo, and get body/facial piercings.

11. I hate kids. And I hate hearing stories about your kids, yes even yours.

12. I don't miss school as much as my friends do.

13. Someday in my dream house, I want a big, white, old-fashioned bathtub with feet.

14. Sometimes I fantasize about being a sporty girl, then I throw my head back in laughter.

15. If circumstances permitted me to do so, I would live in South Korea for a few years.

16. I found my soulmate in another girl when I was 15.

17. While other girls are out there splurging on a pair of heels or a new dress, I will be at the market, in the stinky artisan cheese aisle, at the delicatessen getting freshly shaved proscuitto, and at the patisserie getting French macarons.

18. I am obsessed with Pinkberry and Sprinkles Cupcakes.

19. Like any good Korean kid, I was force-fed piano lessons and endless hours of practicing the goddamn thing until I left for college. I deeply despised these lessons and and once was so angry that I kicked in part of the bottom panel of my piano. You can still push in the crack today. I think if I didn't still harbor deep feelings of resentment I could be a great piano player, I have the fingers and the ears.

20. I love the smell of gardenias.

21. I was a Peachy's Puff (SF-based old-fashioned candy girl company) for one single night in which I was propositioned for $1,000.

22. I wish I had discovered who I truly was at a younger age. I would have experimented with more drugs and been a lot sluttier. I regret not having a "crazy" period in my life.

23. When I have children, I hope to have at least one gay son.

24. I went to Hawaii when I was in middle school. I didn't think it was that great. I am weirdly unenthused about natural beauty in general. I am and think will always be a city girl.

25. I hate hot weather. I would gladly live some place where it was cold all the time.

1. I'm officially enrolled in a culinary school program. No more working at the crack motel, FUCK YES. I don't know what I'm happier about, starting something I've been wanting to do for a long time now, or finally getting out of doing something that I loathe with every fiber of my being. :D

2. No more long hair. I is no longer a hobo!



The stylist cut off SO much hair, and I even got to donate it :D. She put a band around it first and then chopped the whole tail off. I look so Asian, and about 5 years younger.


I feel really old being back on a campus. There are 17 year olds in my class. I was questioned by the cashier lady when I was checking out of the bookstore that the picture on my driver's license wasn't really me. She insisted, I told her it was, but that it was when I was in high school, taken 8 years ago.. 8 years ago! I'm still waiting to feel like a grown-up.

Yesterday I turned 23.

Today I got into a car accident (not my fault.)

Isn't life great!

ahahahaahaha, don't ask me I have no idea!

1. My little cousin who's more like a sister to me graduated high school last week in Pasadena. I guess she's not so little anymore. My family and I drove down to socal to congratulate her while I gorged myself on In-N-Out, K-town Korean food, and Pinkberry.

2. I'm going to Korea again this friday with my uncle and Henry! :D It'll be his first time out of the country, very exciting. We'll be able to engage in more gayness such as this:



I should really give some thought to my in-the-back-of-my-head plan of living in Korea for a year or two and teaching English.

3. The braces are teh paaaiiinnnnzzz, and I'm so very hungry. I can't stop thinking about food today, I would murder to be able to chew some chunky lamb vindaloo and naan.

It's become apparent to me that I have had a bad case of lj-constipation for a few years now. I can't count on entries to come out easily and regularly anymore. Now my entries are irregular, inconsistant, and sometimes, very hard to push out. I guess not having internet at my house doesn't help. I wish I was able to just go on lj, dick around on youtube, or catch up on my google reader whenever the mood strikes.

So.. a spell of unfortunate bad luck has left me with having to have braces again, at age 22. Also, upon seeing that I had braces again I think God saw an opportunity and struck me with a sudden, and violent eruption of acne all over my face. I seriously look 14 again, but not in the young, good, fresh way. Mandatory pictures will come later.

I am ashamed that I still haven't posted about going to Korea a couple months ago. It isn't that much stuff though, just a few random pictures and a couple of videos. I was just tagging along with my uncle and grandma who went to take care of some business, I'll update in a secret entry later on why I went on the trip. For now, I'm going to swim through all the footage and post it later.

I feel sadder then I thought I would leaving Korea. :(

My hair's getting almost ridiculously long. This is the longest it's been ever! I can't believe I had the patience to not dye or cut it in this long. Or it might just be that I was too lazy to do anything to it.

I'm already itching to get another tattoo, it's true what people say! I look through tattoo forums and galleries like a horny teen looks for porn.


In other news, it's snowing in Korea! I've never seen snow falling before, so it was quite exciting. I've been really jet-lagged on this trip, which is weird because the four other times I've come to Korea I got over the time change after one night. I guess I'm getting old.

Shopping in the outdoor malls and walking around in the snow tomorrow should make everything better.

Currently in Korea (for two days now) taking care of some business. I don't think the novelty of being surrounded by so many Asians will ever wear off, lol.

I've rediscovered some gems from my childhood picture collection that made me laugh until I cried. I present to you, The Original Emo Kid:

( aahahaha.. )

This is long overdue.

Tagged by felix950


1. Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog.
2. Share 7 random and or weird things about yourself.
3. Tag 7 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs.
4. Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog. (Hm, I might not do this.)
_____________________________________

1. Usually, when I'm checking my email and making my usual net rounds (no, not looking at porn) I get really, really uncomfortable when someone "surfs over my shoulder". I'm not sure why.

2. American born Korean people that purposely speak english in a fobby Korean accent irritate the hell out of me. You know what I'm talking about. These are also the type of Korean Americans that only hang out with other Koreans.

3. I took a puff of a cigarette when I was 9 years old, then proceeded to hack my brains out.

4. I'm terrible at math, and doing math in my head.

5. I think I'll always hate being tall.

6. I was the first person in my family to graduate college, get a tattoo, and get my nose pierced.

7. I like bananas, but I hate most banana flavored things.

I tag, happy_raincloud, tozetre, nkicroft, minnaloushe, chrisvnerd, amnesiasajoke, and Henry


Edit: I meant to tag minnaloushe, but instead I tagged back felix950. Fixed now.

Last night I got my first tattoo. Did I die from the pain? Not at all, it's actually quite bearable. It feels like a cat scratch, a really really long cat scratch, a stingy, hot pain. It smarted a bit more on certain areas, but overall totally tolerable in my opinion. It was a pretty surreal experience because I was able to see him draw out every single line and detail, and I was thinking to myself holy crap! this is forever! Haha, I was expecting it to hurt a lot more, but I was pleasantly surprised, and I'm so so happy with it. :) ( The pictures! )

I've been thinking for awhile about getting a tattoo. I would never get one unless it had significant meaning behind it, and I've never really had a strong inspiration to get one until now. I've been thinking about what would symbolize my dad and who he was, and I think I've finally semi-decided on cherry blossoms. I didn't initially even want to consider or like the idea of them because it seems to have become a trendy tattoo choice, but they're actually pretty perfect. My dad loved Japan and Japanese culture his whole life. Culturally cherry blossoms symbolize the transience of life because of their short blooming times, and falling blossoms are metaphors for fallen warriors who died bravely in battle. None of us expected last year to happen, none of us anticipated going through the pain of losing my dad so suddenly, and so soon in our lives. My dad was a fallen warrior who died bravely in his battle with cancer. I think this tattoo would be the perfect way to personally honor and remember him.